"Madame, bear in mind That princes govern all things--save the wind." -Victor Hugo, The Infanta's Rose

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Cookies come ... and go

I am very happy to report that Ms. Moose has delivered on her promise, and my chocolate-chippy prize cookies arrived in the mail late Friday afternoon. Actual elapsed time between the opening of the package and their complete and utter devourment: 17 minutes, which included time to get to the refrigerator to pour a glass of milk. Two days have since passed, and no trippy hallucinations (they did come from San Francisco, after all), gastrointestinal distress and/or stomach pumping have occurred, which is even better. Not that I expected any problems, mind you, but I mention this just in case any of the more paranoid readers of this blog (I see you out there!) may be wondering.

Herewith then, as a public service so that any of Moose's future contest winners will know exactly what to expect, is the profusely-illustrated Tale of the Cookies:

1. Cookies arrive in a plain brown wrapper, intended to fool any postal workers who would have surely eaten them had the contents of the package been divulged by a label reading "CAUTION - COOKIES ENCLOSED, HANDLE WITH CARE", for example. Also note the address label on the package. What a kidder, that Moose! Fortunately, thanks to the government's warrantless domestic surveillance program, the Feds -- who have been monitoring our blog sites for months -- were expecting this package in the mail from the get-go and knew to deliver it to "Mr. Toast". Hah! And you thought the Patriot Act was a bad thing!

2. Internal cookie wrapping. We'll be right back after this brief message: this portion of our program is brought to you by Ziploc Storage Containers! Sold five to a package with lids, they're dishwasher, microwave and freezer safe! Each container has measurement markings on the side and holds 24-fluid ounces! Pick some up today at your favorite store! Wowie Zowie!

3. Okay, we're back again, thanks. We peel back the packing to reveal, at last, The Sacred Foodstuff. This is better than Al Capone's vault! The above is a good representative picture, but it does not show me on my knees in worship as it was taken. All Hail Cookies!! I am not worthy! I am not worthy!

4. Cookies removed from package and laid out ceremoniously. On close inspection, it appears that at least two of the cookies already have bites taken out of them. Hmmmm. Maybe the postman got to them after all. More likely, Moose was just unable to control herself as she was packing them. Tsk, tsk, Moose. You simply must work on your willpower!

5. Interestingly, while I was fixated on the contents of the package, the cats seemed profoundly curious about the packaging material itself. I suspect this is because Moose lives in a doggy household, and their scent was somehow on the paper. As best as I can tell, however, the package did not contain any fleas, so all is well.

6. Finally ... the moment you've all been waiting for: The Ritual Eating of the Cookie. I have to say that they were truly wonderful. In fact, just looking at these pictures again brings tears to my eyes. First note the shape - uniformly round, large, and thick. Loaded with chocolate chips. You can almost see caloric fumes rising from the cookie as I hold it reverently in my hand. Then the first bite .... ahhhhh, so this is what Heaven tastes like; chocolate, butter, and sugar. Then another bite, then the next, and finally it's gone. (Note: actual Elapsed Time between the first picture and the last: 2.7 seconds.)

Well there you have it. Let me again thank Moose for the honor, and assure any future cookie winners that without a doubt, you will be getting some Grade-A baked goods. It's just as well that Moose is conducting this contest and not me, because had this been the case I would have to award as a prize the food item that I am best at preparing ... which would be a burnt slice of toast. Yum! Hey, where did you think the name came from? :^)


  • At 3/05/2006 08:08:00 PM, Blogger Moose said…

    Oh, yes. I did forget to mention this. I broke several cookies in half in order to fit more into the package.

    I didn't take any bites. Really. I didn't. No, I swear.

  • At 3/06/2006 12:26:00 AM, Blogger April said…

    Yummy! I LOVE cookies! I'm jealous! I guess I'm going to have to win one of Moose's contests!


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