Bad Toast

I've actually had a couple of people call or write in the last few days to inquire if all is well with me. As in, "Uh, we noticed that you hadn't posted to your blog in over a freaking week and we were wondering if you were, like, still alive?" I do thank you for your concern, even if it forces me to publicly admit that I have been one lazy-ass you-know-what. Yeah, I'm lazy all right. How lazy am I? I'm so lazy I think we're a two-income family because Mrs. Toast has two jobs. I'm so lazy I hired a handyman to empty the recycle bin on my computer. I'm so lazy I actually have a remote control for my remote control. Bada BING. Thank you, thankyouverymuch.

But seriously folks, there's been some righteously blogworthy stuff in the news lately, and I apologize for not being on it like a pit bull on a pork chop. Let's see ... there's the continued glorious self-destruction of the Republican party, mutant human-rabbit hybrids, 14-year old girls being interrogated by the Secret Service for Bush-bashing on their MySpace pages, just to name a few hot items ... but darn it, I've just been too busy carrying on those seedy IM chats with my good buddy, Fla. Rep. Mark Foley ... er excuse me, Maf54.

Speaking of, I loved this quip from Jay Leno the other night: "ABC is reporting that Mark Foley interrupted a vote on the House floor, stopped the House floor vote, so he could have online phone sex with a 16-year-old. Say what you want about Bill Clinton -- he could sit at his desk and have sex and work at the same time."

This would be even funnier if it wasn't true.

But I swear I will get up off my lazy ass and back into the swing of semi-regular blogging soon, honest. In the meantime, however, I would like to leave you with this thought: wouldn't you say that I bear a rather striking and uncanny resemblance to Bill Gates? (Note: mustache added for emphasis.)(Note to Note: his, not mine.)


I think I can use this to my advantage: all I have to do is stop by the Microsoft campus in Redmond, WA, walk through Bill's office, and raid the petty cash jar on the way out. That ought to be good for a couple of million bucks.