"Madame, bear in mind That princes govern all things--save the wind." -Victor Hugo, The Infanta's Rose

Monday, November 21, 2005

The kitten lives!

Update to the domino-sparrow saga: as you can see, you guys came through for me and I am glad to say that the kitten has been released from hostage. I knew I could, er, "count" on you, pardon the pun.

For some reason, this story fascinates me. The outpouring of emotion over the death of one tiny bird has made international headlines, overshadowing the domino record-setting event itself. The program's producers took the unusual step of beginning the Friday night coverage with a tribute to the dead bird. "We will stand still for a moment in light of the events of the last week," a spokesperson said. "There was no other option than to eliminate the sparrow".

The TV show's creator, Robin Paul Weijers, said there were "mixed emotions" over the new record. "We all feel terrible abut what happened," he said. Hans Peeters of the Dutch Bird Protection Agency also appeared on the show and said that though it was a "very sad incident", it had "been blown out of all proportion". He concluded: "I just wish we could channel all this energy that went into one dead sparrow into saving the species."

Meanwhile, the hit count at the sparrow memorial page as of this writing, is now approaching 400,000. Incredible. Should you visit the page yourself, don't expect to get much out of it unless you speak Dutch - although some of the posts are in English. Interestingly, hackers managed to infiltrate the site and put explicit porn on it just before the weekend, but it was removed shortly afterwards.

While most visitors expressed great empathy for the bird, more than a few wondered what all the fuss was about. One man wrote: "What a bunch of poofters you all are. It was only a stupid bird. Go and do something useful with your lives instead of mourning for this bird. Get a life." Another more vocal critic wrote under the name "Birdman X" (and Brandi will love this):

Don't you people get it? This isn't about Dominoes, or world records, or even one Sparrow. It's about THEM, all those little insidious birds, trying to crush the Human Spirit. Can't you see? CAN'T YOU??? The suicide attack on the Domino world record is only the tip of the iceberg! Those sparrow bastards have been planning this for YEARS! Watching us, chirping away in their secret little meetings, crapping on our cars and on the statues of our heroes. Plotting, planning. Waiting. WAKE UP, PEOPLE OF THE WORLD! THE TIME IS AT HAND! THE SPARROWS ARE COMING! COMING TO GET US! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, OR PICK UP AN AIR RIFLE AND FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

It's them or us. All fucking sparrows must fucking DIE!

Looks like I'm not alone in my conspiracy theory. For God's sake people, turn off your TV sets before it's too late!


  • At 11/21/2005 11:09:00 AM, Blogger Mr. Toast said…

    I wrote that silly!!!! haha..or maybe I just imagined writing that. That is so funny!!!

  • At 11/21/2005 01:08:00 PM, Blogger Janelle said…

    I think Alfred Hitchcock saw it coming and that's why he made the movie "The Birds". Even though the movie was about crows, and not sparrows, he still saw it coming.

  • At 11/22/2005 12:00:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The sparrow is a great american, a patriot that I greatly respect. However,in this case, he was wrong.


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