You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Just when I think I'm about to become overwhelmed by all the depressing world news of late (wars, hurricanes, earthquakes, potential killer flu pandemics, murders, political intrigue, etc.) I come across an item or two that puts a smile on my face, or at least makes me go "hmmmmmm". Here's a small sample of what turned up today:

Giant World Cup brothel opens
A giant brothel set to cater to tens of thousands of football fans at next year's World Cup in Germany is opening its doors in Berlin. According to a spokesman, "Football and sex go together extremely well."

Hypnotic bank robber
Bank clerks in Moldova have been told not to make eye contact with customers after a string of robberies by a hypnotist. The robber reportedly puts cashiers into a trance before making them hand over thousands of dollars, then leaves them with no memory of coughing up the cash.

Musical breast implants
Computer chips that store music could soon be built into a woman's breast implants. One breast could hold an MP3 player and the other the person's whole music collection. BT Futurology, who have developed the idea, say it could be available within 15 years.

According to a spokesman for the company, "It is now very hard for me to thing of breast implants as just decorative. If a woman has something implanted permanently, it might as well do something useful."

Man prefers jail to wife's nagging
A man sentenced to nine months house arrest begged a judge to jail him instead because he couldn't stand his wife's nagging. Algerian Ahmed Salhi, 24, was sentenced to a nine month curfew at home with his Italian wife in Ferrara, northern Italy. But he went back to court after a week and begged the judge to jail him because he could not bear her nagging.

"I need some peace," he said.

Patent filed for dogshit cement
A German architect has filed an application for a new type of cement made of dog shit. Friedrich Lentze, 57, from Berlin, applied for a patent for his "odourless heating and building material" made from the dog shit cleaned from the streets of the German capital every day.

He said: ""The loads of dog poo that are gathered every day actually make a great mortar with fantastic insulating properties."

Robot sex dolls
A German inventor claims to have created the world's most sophisticated robot sex doll. The sex androids developed by aircraft mechanic Michael Harriman from Nuremberg have 'hearts' that beat harder during sex. Harriman claims "They are almost impossible to distinguish from the real thing, but I am still developing improvements and I will only be happy when what I have is better than the real thing." The dolls are sold under the Andy brand name.

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It's stories like these that restore my faith in humanity.