"Madame, bear in mind That princes govern all things--save the wind." -Victor Hugo, The Infanta's Rose

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Posting, weakly

So it appears that a once-a-week-or-so post has now become the norm for me. Gah. Sorry about that folks, there just hasn't been a whole lot of stuff happening worth blogging about lately. As clear evidence of this, here's the most important, pressing matter that's currently occupying my time:

Imagine for a moment you buy a new car from the Ola Motor Corporation. It comes with everything you'd expect a car to have in order to work properly, e.g., an engine, steering wheel, brakes, tires, etc. But after you've driven it for a few months, one day you get a flat tire and discover a fact that you were not told when you bought the car: the tires are proprietary, and no other tires will fit this vehicle but the ones made by Ola Motor. Obviously, you need to use the car, and since it won't work properly without one of its tires, you contact the manufacturer to obtain a replacement and receive the following (extremely courteous) reply:

Dear valued customer,

Thank you for contacting Ola Motor e-mail support, we appreciate your interest in our products.

Regarding your concern, please note that Ola Motor warranties all our vehicles for a period of one year from the date of purchase to be free from manufactured defects in materials and workmanship. Our products are manufactured and tested to give our customers the performance they have come to expect when purchasing a product made by Ola Motor.

We regret to inform you that replacement tires are not available separately. However as a one time exception we can replace the vehicle for you.

To obtain a warranty replacement for your vehicle, please reply back providing us with your personal information (full name, address, city, state, zip code and day time phone number, vehicle part number and model number, certified copy of your sales receipt and method of payment, social security number, bank account numbers, mother's maiden name, and the description and location of any identifying marks on your body such as tattoos.)

With this information we will create a return authorization and will let you know the address where to ship the vehicle to.

We look forward to assisting you in the future.

Thank you for contacting Ola Motor e-mail support.

Best Regards,

OK, now that you've got the basic idea, the following helpful illustration should put this in perspective for you:

This is my relatively-new Ola Motor Model S9 Bluetooth Stereo Headset. It sounds great, and has been very comfortable to wear for extended periods, allowing me to listen to mp3's from my cell phone. Its fatal design flaw, however, are the ear pads: they are not attached all that securely, and I have managed to lose one. So in order to obtain a small piece of rubber that can't be worth more than fifty cents, I have to send the entire unit in because the ear pads are not available separately.

What freaking genius at Motorola, er, I mean Ola Motor, came up with this plan?

So there you have it; if this is the most serious thing I have had to frustrate over lately, my life must be pretty damn boring, wouldn't you say? Hopefully yours is way more exciting than this.


  • At 7/03/2008 01:56:00 AM, Blogger SupaCoo said…

    Ok, so this is exactly what happened with my, er, Esob headphones. The damn little rubber piece fell off on a plane and got lost. And I couldn't use them without it because when I tried, the damn things gave me a static electric shock in my ear. OUCH.

    Luckily we'd purchased the lifetime warranty from Sharper Image when we bought them. You know, the "return for any reason at any time" deal. So we did. And we got a letter from the Sharper Image yesterday, SIX MONTHS LATER, saying our order has been canceled due to their bankruptcy filings. Oh, and sorry.

    $100+ down the drain. Damn you Sharper Image and damn you Bose for making such a stupid headphone.

  • At 7/03/2008 02:23:00 AM, Blogger Mr. Toast said…

    I feel your pain. Apparently, it is no coincidence that Bose spelled backwards is "e-sob".

    Honestly, it would not surprise me if such products are deliberately designed to shed unobtainable parts in order to make us consumers cough up the cash to buy new ones.

  • At 7/07/2008 06:16:00 PM, Blogger Sphincter said…

    That's really stupid. I'm sorry that you have to deal with such stupid headphone manufacturers. I'm pissed on your behalf. And on Supacoo's too.

  • At 7/07/2008 09:33:00 PM, Blogger Mr. Toast said…

    Why, thank you so much for your proxy pissing-off on my behalf, although I must say that it pisses me off that this company had to piss you off too, even though you're not directly affected. Yes, it pisses me off that you're pissed off that Supacoo and I are pissed off, and not only that, I think that all good, right thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not, and I'm sick and tired of being told that I am. It just pisses me off.


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