"Madame, bear in mind That princes govern all things--save the wind." -Victor Hugo, The Infanta's Rose

Thursday, January 26, 2006

I search the web so you don't have to

Free from artificial time constraints (i.e.,"a job") I am able to devote countless hours each week scouring the dark, hidden corners of the Internet in search of the interesting and the bizarre, the strange and funny; those provocative items deeply buried in obscure web sites that most people are too busy to find. In other words, I have no life, people.

So when I do find something that makes me go "Huh!" I want to share it - which brings me today to Fafblog. I've been reading Fafblog for some time now, and Fafnir and his co-conspirators are consistently humorous and creative. Here are two recent samples (click the link for the full article).

From Our Omnipotent President:
Q. Can the president spy on Americans without a warrant?
A. The president has to spy on Americans without a warrant! We're at war, and the president's gotta defend America, and he's not gonna wait for a permission slip from a judge or a senator or America to do it!
Q. That's just the kinda tough, no-nonsense thinking I like in a de facto dictator! Now some crazy people say the president broke some silly old laws like FISA and the National Security Act and the Fourth Amendment. Are these crazy people crazy?
A. They sure are! Maybe those laws worked back in 1978 when Leonid Brezhnev was snortin coke with Ayatollah Khomeini and groovin to the hits of the Bee Gees, but in today's dark and dangerous times they just aren't enough.
Q. Things sure have changed since the innocent days of mutually assured destruction! Can the president spy on me without a warrant?
A. The president would never, ever spy on you, unless you're talking to a terrorist.
Q. That sounds reasonable!
A. Or an associate of a terrorist or a suspected associate of a terrorist or a possible suspected relative of a member of an affiliate of a terrorist or someone with a name that's spelled like a terrorist's or someone who's been mistakenly identified as a terrorist by an NSA algorithm.
Q. Can the president eat a baby?
A. If that baby has suspected ties to al Qaeda, then it's the president's duty to eat it - for the sake of national security.

From If You're Tired of Coke You're Tired of America:
No matter what happens to America, there will always be Coke. When the terrorists strike again, we will still have Coke. When a neo-fascist government takes over the United States, suspends the constitution, and imposes permanent martial law, we will still have Coke. When the genetically-engineered underclass is forced into slave labor camps to build neutron bombs to fling against enemy empires, they will sit back after their toils and enjoy Coke. When aliens sift through the ashen ruins of human civilization centuries hence for some clue to who we once were, they will find a shimmering red can beneath the sands, pop it, guzzle, and understand. This was our gift to one another, our gift to the world. Christian, Muslim, gay, straight, liberal, conservative, all of us everywhere can join in the dream. All of us can Enjoy Coke.
There's lots more where that came from; surf on over and check it out. And remember: while you're slaving away at your thankless day job, rest assured that you can count on moi to be your Web Watchdog, prowling the dirt roads and back alleys of the Information Superhighway to report my discoveries back to you. Hey, it's the least I can do.


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