"Madame, bear in mind That princes govern all things--save the wind." -Victor Hugo, The Infanta's Rose

Thursday, December 01, 2005

In the News

Bush, Rove Answer Critics

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Stung by weeks of recent criticism from voters, the press, Congress, members of his own party, and the rest of the entire planet, President George W. Bush fired back eloquently at reporters today. In a speech at the U.S. Naval Academy, Mr. Bush responded to those who contend that his administration has never explained what constitutes victory in Iraq, and thus how to know when troops can start coming home. He also addressed critics such as Pennsylvania Representative John Murtha, who have called Bush's management of the conflict "a flawed policy wrapped in illusion".

"Sticks and stones, and improvised explosive devices, may break my bones," the President told reporters, clutching an American flag, "but names will never hurt me. Withdraw this."

Members of the President's staff then proceeded to give wedgies to several of the assembled media representatives, while warning others in attendance not to touch them because they might have "cooties".

Meanwhile, during a separate appearance, Rove seemed oblivious to calls for his resignation. After thumbing his nose at the American public, whom he referred to as "a bunch of goobers", Rove covered his ears and said mockingly, "Nah nah nah. I can't heeeeeeeeeeeear you."

In Washington, government bullshit forecasters predicted that this witty and sophisticated repartee from the Bush administration could be expected to continue for the next three years.

Note: The above is a parody, duh!


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